going to hospital to get my knuckles seen to and possibly bandaged i think i have a chipped knuckle from punching wall and metal but not sure yet so i will be back later or on monday as im busy this weekend looking after mother and decorating and hospital 

a few nights ago i woke up from a little nap with a sharp stabbing pain in my throat and immediately sensed that the children were dead and that they were in the lake OR THAT MY MOTHER is in danger SO I RANG HER AND SHE IS COMING TO STAY THE NIGHT TMORROW and this IS GOING TO BE THE FIRST TIME WE HAVE SPENT TIme TOGETHER IN 8 years i loathe her for her braking my bones and mind but love her because she is my mother and the last time i had this feeling she tried to commit sucide but i froze and locked my bedrooom door becauyse i didnt have enough time to prepare there were a girl who once stole money from my house but she were there because of a school thing and she took over she got an ambulance and dragged my mother out to it she put her fingers down her throat and saved her WHILE I SAT ALONE AND BLAMED mother and myself BUT THIS TIME I AM DOING SOMETHING and although we will argue and she may want to fight me i do not care i would rather her wicked ways be around me for one night than her killing herself like i know is going to happen 

delting this very soon but look i told you orbs follow me i do not know what they are whether or not they are risidual or inteligent i dont know if they are dead they could just be i dont know but since a child things like this have appeared and when my grandfather died i woke up in the night many nights afterwards and i had a REALLY long narrow hallways i saw a light and orbs i followed them and they lead me to the door the front one and my grandfather were standing there with a glass of milk for me (i wasnt vegan then) and he had his suit on that he were buried in with a yellow rose and paper in his pocket BUT I DIDNT KNOW THAT IT WAS what he were buried in ONLY UNTIL I TOLD MY MOTHER ABOUT THE NIGHT and then thats when she told me he WERE BURIED IN the SUIT I DESCRIBED AND THE PAPER IN HIS POCKET I SAW WERE A LETTER FROM ME THAT THEY MADE ME DO WITHOUT KNOWING HE WERE DYING SOON I WROTE AND DREW PICTURES FOR HIM BUT THOUGHT HE HAD IT I DIDNT KNOW THEY BURIED IT WITH HIM AND I SAW IT IN HIS POCKET AND ANYWAY we danced in the kitchen for hours but it felt like seconds the fridge were open for some reason i think he forgot to close it but when he left i returned back to bed and slept i woke up the next morning to mother SCREAMING IN MY FACE TO GET THE FUCK UP AND HAVING A GO AT ME BECAUSE I POSSES STUPIDITY BY LEAVING THE FRONT DOOR OPEN then i KNEW IT WERE TRUE she yelled for leaving the fridge open and she slapped me for leaving it open coz THE FOOD WERE rotten all the food and we were poor and couldnt afford any more shopping I KNEW THEN THAT ALL OF THE NIGHT BEFORE WERE TRUE the rooms were chilled and misty the light were ever so bright my flesh trembled with his touch and i dug my fingernails into him BUT NOT ONLY MEMORY I HAD there were evidence of him and us from the night before and THAT WERE THE FLAT I LIVED IN WHERE GRANDFATHER HAD DIED AND MY GRANDMOTHER CAME TO STAY WITH US AND WE MOVE BECAUSE GRANMOTHER DIDN’T LIKE IT THERE SHE SAID ONE NIGHT THAT GRANDFATHER CAME TO HER AND WERE DOWNSTAIRS IN THE STREET SCREAMING FOR HER TO GET ME FRoM MY BED AND GET DOWNSTAIRS BECAUSE OF A FIRE IN THE FLAT NEXT DOOR AND BECAUSE OF THAT MY GRANDMOTHER MOVED US ((((LIKE WEEKS OR A MONTH LATER MY NEXT DOOR NEIGHBOR BURNED HER FRONT ROOM DOWN IN ATTEMPT TO KILL HERSELF AND IT CAME THROUGH TO MY BEDROOM BUT WE HAD ALREADY MOVED BECAUSE OF GRANDMOTHERS DREAM AND GRANDFATHER)))))) AND SOMEONES LITTLE BBY BROTHER NEW BORN WERE DAMAGED BY SMOKE BECAUSE THY WERE SLEEPING IN THE ROOM I ONCE HAD when i saw the story in the paper i broke down  XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX 

delting this very soon but look i told you orbs follow me i do not know what they are whether or not they are risidual or inteligent i dont know if they are dead they could just be i dont know but since a child things like this have appeared and when my grandfather died i woke up in the night many nights afterwards and i had a REALLY long narrow hallways i saw a light and orbs i followed them and they lead me to the door the front one and my grandfather were standing there with a glass of milk for me (i wasnt vegan then) and he had his suit on that he were buried in with a yellow rose and paper in his pocket BUT I DIDNT KNOW THAT IT WAS what he were buried in ONLY UNTIL I TOLD MY MOTHER ABOUT THE NIGHT and then thats when she told me he WERE BURIED IN the SUIT I DESCRIBED AND THE PAPER IN HIS POCKET I SAW WERE A LETTER FROM ME THAT THEY MADE ME DO WITHOUT KNOWING HE WERE DYING SOON I WROTE AND DREW PICTURES FOR HIM BUT THOUGHT HE HAD IT I DIDNT KNOW THEY BURIED IT WITH HIM AND I SAW IT IN HIS POCKET AND ANYWAY we danced in the kitchen for hours but it felt like seconds the fridge were open for some reason i think he forgot to close it but when he left i returned back to bed and slept i woke up the next morning to mother SCREAMING IN MY FACE TO GET THE FUCK UP AND HAVING A GO AT ME BECAUSE I POSSES STUPIDITY BY LEAVING THE FRONT DOOR OPEN then i KNEW IT WERE TRUE she yelled for leaving the fridge open and she slapped me for leaving it open coz THE FOOD WERE rotten all the food and we were poor and couldnt afford any more shopping I KNEW THEN THAT ALL OF THE NIGHT BEFORE WERE TRUE the rooms were chilled and misty the light were ever so bright my flesh trembled with his touch and i dug my fingernails into him BUT NOT ONLY MEMORY I HAD there were evidence of him and us from the night before and THAT WERE THE FLAT I LIVED IN WHERE GRANDFATHER HAD DIED AND MY GRANDMOTHER CAME TO STAY WITH US AND WE MOVE BECAUSE GRANMOTHER DIDN’T LIKE IT THERE SHE SAID ONE NIGHT THAT GRANDFATHER CAME TO HER AND WERE DOWNSTAIRS IN THE STREET SCREAMING FOR HER TO GET ME FRoM MY BED AND GET DOWNSTAIRS BECAUSE OF A FIRE IN THE FLAT NEXT DOOR AND BECAUSE OF THAT MY GRANDMOTHER MOVED US ((((LIKE WEEKS OR A MONTH LATER MY NEXT DOOR NEIGHBOR BURNED HER FRONT ROOM DOWN IN ATTEMPT TO KILL HERSELF AND IT CAME THROUGH TO MY BEDROOM BUT WE HAD ALREADY MOVED BECAUSE OF GRANDMOTHERS DREAM AND GRANDFATHER)))))) AND SOMEONES LITTLE BBY BROTHER NEW BORN WERE DAMAGED BY SMOKE BECAUSE THY WERE SLEEPING IN THE ROOM I ONCE HAD when i saw the story in the paper i broke down  XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX 

Q orbs me grandfather granmother

i went to go and get some vodka and orange juice and it was ok we took pictures and went and sat in my garden no one saw me i was fine for a moment but ANYWAY we noticed orbs following me all night and in the church yard there were hundreds 

i went to go and get some vodka and orange juice and it was ok we took pictures and went and sat in my garden no one saw me i was fine for a moment but ANYWAY we noticed orbs following me all night and in the church yard there were hundreds 

Q me orbs

MANY of u angels know i smear my own blood hand prints on my walls during self harming episodes BUT LOOK HERE for a year or so now i have been meaning to show you this….does it look like a teeny child hand print to you because to me it does i do not know where it came from when i saw it i had no one to tell or show and such shivers consumed me CAN I JUST MENTION that this MAY NOT BE LINKED but once i had a boy round and in the dead of night to go to the toilet and i heard him make an odd noise but ignored it coz the lights were off i assumed hed kicked my cats litter tray so went sleep again and when he got into bed he woke me up saying theres “a fucking figure standing in the doorway of ur bathroom” i laughed but he were startled to the point where he made me go to his to fuck him afterwards but anyway yes he said it were a child height to his waist and darker than the night and i never listened to him because i know my ghosts and i would know an imposter if i had one but this night a long while later i am thinking maybe he did see something and its not a coincidence that my niece came round once and said she is playinng with her friend but no one were there maybe im making something out of nothing BUT MAY I ADD that it IS the same colour as my blood prints I HAVE NO FRIENDS noone comes up to my room so no one did this to me as a joke and plus people in my life know about my illnesses and wat may trigger me and this could well have triggered my personality so no i do not know

MANY of u angels know i smear my own blood hand prints on my walls during self harming episodes BUT LOOK HERE for a year or so now i have been meaning to show you this….does it look like a teeny child hand print to you because to me it does i do not know where it came from when i saw it i had no one to tell or show and such shivers consumed me CAN I JUST MENTION that this MAY NOT BE LINKED but once i had a boy round and in the dead of night to go to the toilet and i heard him make an odd noise but ignored it coz the lights were off i assumed hed kicked my cats litter tray so went sleep again and when he got into bed he woke me up saying theres “a fucking figure standing in the doorway of ur bathroom” i laughed but he were startled to the point where he made me go to his to fuck him afterwards but anyway yes he said it were a child height to his waist and darker than the night and i never listened to him because i know my ghosts and i would know an imposter if i had one but this night a long while later i am thinking maybe he did see something and its not a coincidence that my niece came round once and said she is playinng with her friend but no one were there maybe im making something out of nothing BUT MAY I ADD that it IS the same colour as my blood prints I HAVE NO FRIENDS noone comes up to my room so no one did this to me as a joke and plus people in my life know about my illnesses and wat may trigger me and this could well have triggered my personality so no i do not know

W blood maybe

also i wish i could spell and go to school but im frightened so im going to die with dyslexia and not even have helped it 

i just got attacked in ikea by five boys the cornered me and tugged at my pigtales and laughed and said ur confident and started to touch my skirt but i were holding shelves and i went to hit on of them and they ran off laughing and i lost them and then i were in the line to pay and the took pictures of me and i cried and a lady behind me said r u ok i said yes and her boyfriend pushed her and yelled at her to not get involved i cried more because i wanted to help her but couldn’t help myself from the five boys and then a couple the other side of me in a different line took pictures and laughed and i pushed my trolley into them and tried to grab his phone and delete the picture but then i had to pay and i had a panic attack in front of like a hundred people and no one helped me from the boys and i walked out and punched some metal scaffolding because i were trying to calm down from running into traffic and have to go hospital tommrrow coz i messed my bones in my hand up im so weak and silly i wish i could be strong and ignore them and come home and be fine this all brought back a memory so dark that i had forgotten it i were moving into a flat once in east London and a gang of men cornered me in a alleyway but it were dead end i had my bike and had to throw it at them to get away and they grabbed my arm and tried to put me in their red car but it were OUTSIDE my house and my two uncles were helping move so they chased them down but i just crumbled into that little girl today